When Homework Is Too Hard: Helping Children With Learning Differences Build Confidence and Accountability

By Tamara Hirsch, Reading Specialist & Educational Therapist

Founder, LA Ed Therapy

Tamara Hirsch is the founder of LA Ed Therapy, a reading-focused educational therapy practice supporting struggling learners through structured, evidence-based instruction.

For some children with learning differences, homework is not simply challenging. It may be well above the level they can complete independently.

This can create a difficult situation for families.

Parents want their child to understand that schoolwork matters. They want to teach responsibility, follow-through, and the expectation that certain things still need to happen after the school day ends.

At the same time, spending an hour or more struggling through work a child does not yet have the skills to access can quickly become frustrating, discouraging, and unproductive.

So how do we protect a child’s confidence without sending the message that homework is optional?

The answer is to separate accountability from completion.

Accountability Does Not Always Mean Finishing Every Problem

A child can be accountable for homework even when they cannot complete the entire assignment independently.

Accountability may mean:

• Sitting down to begin at the expected time.

• Reading or listening to the directions.

• Attempting the parts they can access.

• Using strategies they have been taught.

• Asking for help appropriately.

• Marking the problems they do not understand.

• Spending an agreed-upon amount of productive time on the assignment.

• Communicating with the teacher when they are unable to complete something.

The message is not:

“This is hard, so you do not have to do it.”

The message is:

“You are still responsible for showing up, making an effort, and using the tools you have. You are not expected to magically know something you have not learned yet.”

That is an important distinction.

When Productive Struggle Becomes Unproductive Struggle

Some struggle is a normal and valuable part of learning.

But there is a difference between a child thinking through something difficult and a child repeatedly attempting work that is significantly beyond their instructional level.

For example, if a child is reading far below the level of an assigned passage, spending an hour guessing at words while a parent supplies most of the answers may technically result in a completed worksheet.

But completion does not necessarily mean learning occurred.

If homework consistently turns into tears, avoidance, excessive parental assistance, or an unusually long amount of time, it may be worth asking whether the assignment is appropriately matched to the child’s current skills.

Educational Therapy May Need to Focus on the Skills Underneath the Homework

Educational therapy is not simply a place to complete school assignments.

If a child is struggling because of gaps in foundational skills, those skills often need direct and targeted instruction.

A child who cannot independently access a reading assignment may need explicit decoding instruction.

A child who becomes lost in grade-level math may need to strengthen number sense or foundational computation.

A child who cannot begin homework without significant support may need help developing task initiation, organization, or other executive-function skills.

This does not mean schoolwork is unimportant. It means that spending an entire educational therapy session getting through tonight’s homework may not address the reason the

homework is so difficult in the first place.

The goal is not simply to finish tonight’s assignment.

The goal is to build the skills that will allow the child to become increasingly independent with schoolwork over time.

Teach Your Child That “I Don’t Know” Is Not an Emergency

Children who frequently struggle with schoolwork can become anxious the moment they do not know what to do.

They may immediately ask a parent for the answer, shut down, or become distressed.

Part of building independence is teaching them that it is okay to encounter something they cannot do yet.

They can pause.

They can think.

They can try a strategy.

They can ask a question.

They can even sit and “twiddle their thumbs” for a moment while they figure out the next step.

The goal is not for children to become comfortable giving up.

The goal is for them to become comfortable not knowing yet.

They can learn to think:

“I may not know how to do this right now, but I am working on the skills that will help me.”

That mindset can be especially important for a child who knows that school currently feels harder for them than it does for some of their classmates. Feeling confused does not mean they are failing. They can hold on to the fact that they are actively building the skills they need.

Get the Adults on the Same Team

If homework is consistently far beyond a child’s independent level, parents should not have to solve the problem alone.

It may be helpful to speak with the child’s teacher and educational therapist about what they are seeing.

In some situations, additional evaluation may also be appropriate. A school-based evaluation for special education eligibility, or a private psychoeducational or neuropsychological evaluation, can provide valuable information about a child’s learning profile, strengths, and areas of need.

That information can help the adults supporting the child make more thoughtful decisions about instruction, accommodations, services, and homework expectations.

With parent permission, communication between the educational therapist and classroom teacher can be especially valuable.

The educational therapist can share what the child is currently able to do independently, where they need support, and which skills are being targeted in intervention. The classroom teacher can provide context about the purpose of an assignment and determine whether certain expectations can or should be adjusted.

Ideally, everyone is working toward the same goal:

Helping the child become more capable and independent—not simply making sure every box on tonight’s worksheet is filled in.

Protect Confidence Without Removing Responsibility

Children with learning differences still need clear boundaries and expectations. They need to know that school matters and that they are responsible for participating, practicing, making an effort, and asking for help when they need it.

At the same time, responsibility does not require endless struggle.

Independent practice is an important part of learning. It gives children an opportunity to use what they have been taught and helps the adults supporting them see what is becoming independent and what still needs more instruction.

Getting stuck is part of that process.

We can tell children:

“You still have a job to do after school. Once you learn something, your brain needs time to practice it on your own. Sometimes you’ll get stuck, and that’s okay—that helps us see what you already know and where you still need support. The adults around you are here to help you through the confusing parts.”

This is not lowering expectations.

It is teaching children that being responsible does not mean knowing every answer. It means practicing, making an effort, tolerating moments of uncertainty, and learning when to ask for help.

Over time, those are the skills that help children become more confident and independent learners.